On Halloween,you see a gleam,
and it's the pure white moon.
If you listen carefully,
you will hear a tune.
Screeching like a bat , with cries of terror and agony,
and buzzing wildly like a bee who has just lost it's honey.
I want you to know that this is a vampire's song,
so, listen to the verses, but don't try to sing along.
How about reducing the fifth line to "it is a vampire's song," and breaking the sixth line to two lines?
ReplyDeleteHow does the tune sound like? Something soothing like a lullaby? Or something screeching as a whistle?
ReplyDeleteI like the second draft. Keep making improvements.
ReplyDelete